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Sarcastically British

The Secret to a Happy Ending

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Fic: Ice Ice Baby (Yunho/Jaejoong) Oneshot
DBSK: YunJae
Title: Ice Ice Baby
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG
Genre: non-AU, humour, fluff
Disclaimer: Boys are sadly not mine, the words are.
Summary: Jaejoong needs warming up after the ice bucket challenge.

Author's Notes: Inspired, of course, by Jaejoong's ice bucket challenge! (unbeta'd, I'm so sorry)

Link to donate to ALS if you so wish!

Also available on my AO3, too!

Also also, I have now written a sequel to this which can be found here on LJ and here on AO3 :)

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

Jaejoong hopped from foot to foot as he tried stripping off his soaking jeans. The fabric was sticking to his legs and his hair was dripping icy drops down his back.

“Oh my fucking god,” he made it to his bedroom hatless, topless, sodden and shivering. “So fucking cold. I am not okay with this. This was a bad idea. Oh my god!” His fumbling hands were unsuccessful in undoing his zipper and he swore furiously.

“They’d better appreciate this,” Jaejoong continued to grumble as he heard his front door slam shut. The instant he’d completed the wretched ice bucket challenge he had waved his friends off in immediate dismissal, leaving him virtually alone in his Seoul apartment.

“Who? The thousands of ALS sufferers?”


“I know what you are doing,” Jaejoong threw a contemptuous look at his bed before storming into the adjacent en suite. “Don’t you make me feel bad for complaining. You haven’t had to do it. Besides, I was talking about my fans. What I do for them...” he shook his head.  “I am practically a saint.”

His teeth were chattering so hard he could barely get the words out. Grabbing a towel he draped it around himself, eager to warm up after being doused in ice and water. He glanced in the mirror on the way back out and nearly wept at how bedraggled he looked.

“No one has nominated me yet.”

“I would have nominated your smug ass if I could,” Jaejoong grouched. Hastily, he padded over to his bed and stood, pouting and trembling as he clutched the now damp towel around his shoulders.

“Hm, and I’m grateful you can’t. I will just donate to the cause like a normal person.”

Jaejoong didn’t say anything, but continued to stand by the bed expectantly.

“What?” Yunho looked up from where he was leaning against a pile of pillows, a GQ magazine draped over his lap, forgotten.

“Help me,” Jae wheedled. “I can’t get my jeans off.”

Yunho laughed and his attention returned to GQ. “Go help yourself you ungrateful cretin. If thousands of poor souls have to suffer through ALS every day then you can suffer through five minutes of being slightly chilly.”

“Slightly chilly?” Jae repeated Yunho’s word in shock. “Yunho, I’m so cold my balls might drop off!”

“And what a shame that would be,” Yunho replied, idly flipping a page of GQ over.

Jae was having none of it.

In one swift motion he dropped the towel to the floor and climbed over Yunho. He snatched the magazine, lobbing it over the other side of the bed and sat firmly down on Yunho’s lap.

“Eruugh!!” Yunho shrieked as Jae leaned in, pressing his entire body against Yunho’s and hugging him close. “Get off me you’re freezing!”

Jaejoong smiled into Yunho’s neck, biting down with sharp teeth.

“Mm no I’m just slightly chilly,” Jae said. Impishly, he wound his arms around Yunho’s neck, tickling his irate lover with icy fingertips.

“You are such a little shit,” Yunho whined, still attempting to pry a clingy Jae off him.

“I know,” Jaejoong smirked.

“I don’t know why I’m still with you,” Yunho gave up struggling now and lay passive against the bed. “I should dump your ass and move on like I should have years ago. I don’t need you.”

Jae sat up and rolled his eyes. “Yeah okay and I’m a girl.”

Yunho glared up at him. “Sometimes I wish you were,” he hissed.

“Ohh, Yunho,” Jae tsked. “Such cruel words. We both know it wouldn’t work if I was a girl.”

Yunho raised one haughty eyebrow. “Don’t sound so sure. I dated at least three girls after we split up. And one before DBSK. I was attracted to them all, too.”

Jaejoong frowned. “You don’t need to remind me. I might need to hire a hitman if you ever think about pretending to be straight again.”

Yunho wiggled, trying to dislodge Jae but Jaejoong clamped his thighs down and refused to be uprooted. With wary eyes he watched as Yunho gave up and huffed in defeat.

“I wasn’t pretending,” Yunho looked at Jae. “I am straight.”

“Then what am I??”

“Really wet and not in a good way,” Yunho said, exasperated. “Now get off me!”

Jae glared at Yunho. “I’m not moving.”

“Jae,” Yunho groaned. “Come on. I’ll help you with your jeans and then come to bed. It’s late.”

“Yunho, do you see me as a girl?”

Jaejoong felt silly for asking. Yunho’s love for him was as bright as midday sunshine and their sex life was sensational. They both liked it that way, because.... because....

“Jae,” Yunho reached up with one hand to cup Jaejoong’s cheek. Jae sought his lover’s gaze and found it warm, loving and free of any qualms. “I am in love with you.” Yunho’s hands trailed down to cup his crotch. “All of you.” Yunho squeezed. “Those girls might have been attractive, but you are you... and you are mine.”

Arousal shot through his abdomen and Jae’s eyes fluttered shut momentarily.

“O-okay,” he said.

“Come on,” Yunho said, heaving Jaejoong off him at last. Jaejoong tumbled off his lover’s lap but righted himself with the help of Yunho. He sat on the edge of the bed while Yunho went for his jeans, unzipping them and then motioning for Jae to stand up.

“C’mon,” Yunho said. “I’ll help you now.”

“About time,” Jaejoong said churlishly, holding onto Yunho’s shoulders as his sopping jeans were rolled down and off along with his boxers.

“Fuck,” he griped. “It’s even colder now.”

Yunho pulled on his hand, guiding him to the bathroom but Jaejoong stopped them, tugging his hand free of Yunho’s.

Yunho turned. “I thought we were showering?”

“No,” Jaejoong shook his head and headed back to the bed. Nothing was more inviting right now, and all he desired was a fluffy duvet and a warm body to curl up against. “Bed. I’ve had enough water for today.”

He crawled in, under the covers that Yunho had been resting on a moment ago and ensconced himself in the downy, white cover until only his head was peeking out.

“You can only come in if you’re naked,” Jaejoong warned just as Yunho was about to peel back the covers and join him.

Yunho gave him a withering look.

“I need body heat,” Jaejoong said. “I saw it on a documentary once, it’s the quickest way to warm someone up with hypothermia.”

“You don’t have hypothermia,” Yunho rolled his eyes and pulled a face at Jae.

“I might do,” Jae said. “And then you would have to explain to my mother why you didn’t warm me up in time.”

Yunho gave Jaejoong a derogatory look. “Is that really the kind of thing you’d want me explaining to your mother?”

Jae wrinkled his nose. “No, but that doesn’t change the fact that I might have hypothermia and as my lover and life partner you really should work on saving my life.”

Yunho guffawed, clearly not believing a word of Jaejoong’s whinging.

Despite this, Jaejoong watched with satisfaction as Yunho shucked his clothes, stripping down to nothing except a slightly amused expression.

“Mmm,” Jae hummed in appreciation, watching the muscles of Yunho’s abdomen ripple as he moved back to the bed once more.

This time, Jaejoong was ready with the covers and he tented them with one arm to allow Yunho to climb in beside him.

“Hold me,” he said, scooting close to Yunho and kissing his cheek.

“You are extra clingy today,” Yunho noted.

“You are extra whiny,” Jaejoong rebutted. Carelessly, he threw several limbs over Yunho, burrowing up to his lover and dropping more kisses against his neck and chest.

“Are you warming up?” Yunho asked. With one arm he pulled Jae tight against him and tilted his head so he could meet Jae’s lips. Jae smiled into the kiss and nodded.

“You’re like a radiator. I’m so glad I kept you around.”

Yunho snorted. “I’m just a prop to you.”

Jaejoong hummed in agreement. The warmth was making him drowsy and his body was no longer wracked with shivers. “Nothing but arm candy.”

Yunho laughed and Jaejoong closed his eyes as he felt the sound vibrate in Yunho’s chest.

“The ice bucket challenge was worth it for this,” he said sleepily.

“You can warm me up if I get nominated,” Yunho said, kissing the top of Jaejoong’s still damp head.

“If?” Jae snorted. “When.”

“You can’t nominate me,” Yunho reminded him. “It would look weird.”

“I can’t,” Jaejoong mused. “But it would be very easy for me to get someone to nominate you. Heechul owes me a favour.”

The end


Thank you so much for reading! Much love to all of you who take the time to read/comment on my stories, even if they are as silly and pointless as this one. I realise I should make this better/longer/filled it out a bit, but I'm going to leave it at this and hope it's still okay for you guys :) Take care!

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perhaps I need to pay more attention to twitter, ha! (p.s thanks for the add, mind if I add you back?)

sure! are you on twitter? did you see JYJ is doing a free concert in Seoul?? (Gangnam Hallyu Festival oct 5) yay!

I am! My twitter is here: https://twitter.com/em_rose483

What's your twitter name?

Ohh I didn't know! That's amazing! I am always trying to catch up on jyj and dbsk news, I feel like I know so little compared to everyone else in Cassiopeia! I still feel like a newbie (which I am in comparison to so many people!)

I'm jaan30@c_carissa on twitter (just sent you a request) xD

Yeah I get most of my news on twitter, it's always showing up there first! Then there are facebook groups (WBC) and fan sites. I'm a newbie too I guess LOL just under 2 years for me.^^

Awesome! I've accepted and am following ya back :)

Oo any twitter recs? I follow a few but my twitter is still more Tokio Hotel oriented (my first fandom and the one I know most people in).

Aw just over two years for me! I still feel like I know nothing though! I'm always nervous when I write stories because so many fans more way more details than me!

People to follow on twitter xD lots! Okay, for info and pics I'd say @TVXQfacts, @dongbangdata, @aizamiabooJJ, @monbrielle, @sheils, @DorkShinKi, @congkr, @TVXQSound, @bambishim, @sheracassiopeia

Is that enough?? LOL I have more... ^^ definitely @bambishim, @monbrielle for pics and @aizamiabooJJ for well, updates ;D they're all good ones really xD

Don't worry, I'd have never guessed you were almost as new as me!

Thank you so much for this! I will go follow them now. I have absolutely not idea what's going on in any of my fandoms at the moment, I feel so adrift!

Oh that's good, I always feel like I'm such an obvious newbie!

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