Sarcastically British

The Secret to a Happy Ending

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Fic: Ice Ice Baby (Yunho/Jaejoong) Oneshot
DBSK: YunJae
Title: Ice Ice Baby
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG
Genre: non-AU, humour, fluff
Disclaimer: Boys are sadly not mine, the words are.
Summary: Jaejoong needs warming up after the ice bucket challenge.

Author's Notes: Inspired, of course, by Jaejoong's ice bucket challenge! (unbeta'd, I'm so sorry)

Link to donate to ALS if you so wish!

Also available on my AO3, too!

Also also, I have now written a sequel to this which can be found here on LJ and here on AO3 :)

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

Jaejoong hopped from foot to foot as he tried stripping off his soaking jeans. The fabric was sticking to his legs and his hair was dripping icy drops down his back.

“Oh my fucking god,” he made it to his bedroom hatless, topless, sodden and shivering. “So fucking cold. I am not okay with this. This was a bad idea. Oh my god!” His fumbling hands were unsuccessful in undoing his zipper and he swore furiously.

“They’d better appreciate this,” Jaejoong continued to grumble as he heard his front door slam shut. The instant he’d completed the wretched ice bucket challenge he had waved his friends off in immediate dismissal, leaving him virtually alone in his Seoul apartment.

“Who? The thousands of ALS sufferers?”


“I know what you are doing,” Jaejoong threw a contemptuous look at his bed before storming into the adjacent en suite. “Don’t you make me feel bad for complaining. You haven’t had to do it. Besides, I was talking about my fans. What I do for them...” he shook his head.  “I am practically a saint.”

His teeth were chattering so hard he could barely get the words out. Grabbing a towel he draped it around himself, eager to warm up after being doused in ice and water. He glanced in the mirror on the way back out and nearly wept at how bedraggled he looked.

“No one has nominated me yet.”

“I would have nominated your smug ass if I could,” Jaejoong grouched. Hastily, he padded over to his bed and stood, pouting and trembling as he clutched the now damp towel around his shoulders.

“Hm, and I’m grateful you can’t. I will just donate to the cause like a normal person.”

Jaejoong didn’t say anything, but continued to stand by the bed expectantly.

“What?” Yunho looked up from where he was leaning against a pile of pillows, a GQ magazine draped over his lap, forgotten.

“Help me,” Jae wheedled. “I can’t get my jeans off.”

Yunho laughed and his attention returned to GQ. “Go help yourself you ungrateful cretin. If thousands of poor souls have to suffer through ALS every day then you can suffer through five minutes of being slightly chilly.”

“Slightly chilly?” Jae repeated Yunho’s word in shock. “Yunho, I’m so cold my balls might drop off!”

“And what a shame that would be,” Yunho replied, idly flipping a page of GQ over.

Jae was having none of it.

In one swift motion he dropped the towel to the floor and climbed over Yunho. He snatched the magazine, lobbing it over the other side of the bed and sat firmly down on Yunho’s lap.

“Eruugh!!” Yunho shrieked as Jae leaned in, pressing his entire body against Yunho’s and hugging him close. “Get off me you’re freezing!”

Jaejoong smiled into Yunho’s neck, biting down with sharp teeth.

“Mm no I’m just slightly chilly,” Jae said. Impishly, he wound his arms around Yunho’s neck, tickling his irate lover with icy fingertips.

“You are such a little shit,” Yunho whined, still attempting to pry a clingy Jae off him.

“I know,” Jaejoong smirked.

“I don’t know why I’m still with you,” Yunho gave up struggling now and lay passive against the bed. “I should dump your ass and move on like I should have years ago. I don’t need you.”

Jae sat up and rolled his eyes. “Yeah okay and I’m a girl.”

Yunho glared up at him. “Sometimes I wish you were,” he hissed.

“Ohh, Yunho,” Jae tsked. “Such cruel words. We both know it wouldn’t work if I was a girl.”

Yunho raised one haughty eyebrow. “Don’t sound so sure. I dated at least three girls after we split up. And one before DBSK. I was attracted to them all, too.”

Jaejoong frowned. “You don’t need to remind me. I might need to hire a hitman if you ever think about pretending to be straight again.”

Yunho wiggled, trying to dislodge Jae but Jaejoong clamped his thighs down and refused to be uprooted. With wary eyes he watched as Yunho gave up and huffed in defeat.

“I wasn’t pretending,” Yunho looked at Jae. “I am straight.”

“Then what am I??”

“Really wet and not in a good way,” Yunho said, exasperated. “Now get off me!”

Jae glared at Yunho. “I’m not moving.”

“Jae,” Yunho groaned. “Come on. I’ll help you with your jeans and then come to bed. It’s late.”

“Yunho, do you see me as a girl?”

Jaejoong felt silly for asking. Yunho’s love for him was as bright as midday sunshine and their sex life was sensational. They both liked it that way, because.... because....

“Jae,” Yunho reached up with one hand to cup Jaejoong’s cheek. Jae sought his lover’s gaze and found it warm, loving and free of any qualms. “I am in love with you.” Yunho’s hands trailed down to cup his crotch. “All of you.” Yunho squeezed. “Those girls might have been attractive, but you are you... and you are mine.”

Arousal shot through his abdomen and Jae’s eyes fluttered shut momentarily.

“O-okay,” he said.

“Come on,” Yunho said, heaving Jaejoong off him at last. Jaejoong tumbled off his lover’s lap but righted himself with the help of Yunho. He sat on the edge of the bed while Yunho went for his jeans, unzipping them and then motioning for Jae to stand up.

“C’mon,” Yunho said. “I’ll help you now.”

“About time,” Jaejoong said churlishly, holding onto Yunho’s shoulders as his sopping jeans were rolled down and off along with his boxers.

“Fuck,” he griped. “It’s even colder now.”

Yunho pulled on his hand, guiding him to the bathroom but Jaejoong stopped them, tugging his hand free of Yunho’s.

Yunho turned. “I thought we were showering?”

“No,” Jaejoong shook his head and headed back to the bed. Nothing was more inviting right now, and all he desired was a fluffy duvet and a warm body to curl up against. “Bed. I’ve had enough water for today.”

He crawled in, under the covers that Yunho had been resting on a moment ago and ensconced himself in the downy, white cover until only his head was peeking out.

“You can only come in if you’re naked,” Jaejoong warned just as Yunho was about to peel back the covers and join him.

Yunho gave him a withering look.

“I need body heat,” Jaejoong said. “I saw it on a documentary once, it’s the quickest way to warm someone up with hypothermia.”

“You don’t have hypothermia,” Yunho rolled his eyes and pulled a face at Jae.

“I might do,” Jae said. “And then you would have to explain to my mother why you didn’t warm me up in time.”

Yunho gave Jaejoong a derogatory look. “Is that really the kind of thing you’d want me explaining to your mother?”

Jae wrinkled his nose. “No, but that doesn’t change the fact that I might have hypothermia and as my lover and life partner you really should work on saving my life.”

Yunho guffawed, clearly not believing a word of Jaejoong’s whinging.

Despite this, Jaejoong watched with satisfaction as Yunho shucked his clothes, stripping down to nothing except a slightly amused expression.

“Mmm,” Jae hummed in appreciation, watching the muscles of Yunho’s abdomen ripple as he moved back to the bed once more.

This time, Jaejoong was ready with the covers and he tented them with one arm to allow Yunho to climb in beside him.

“Hold me,” he said, scooting close to Yunho and kissing his cheek.

“You are extra clingy today,” Yunho noted.

“You are extra whiny,” Jaejoong rebutted. Carelessly, he threw several limbs over Yunho, burrowing up to his lover and dropping more kisses against his neck and chest.

“Are you warming up?” Yunho asked. With one arm he pulled Jae tight against him and tilted his head so he could meet Jae’s lips. Jae smiled into the kiss and nodded.

“You’re like a radiator. I’m so glad I kept you around.”

Yunho snorted. “I’m just a prop to you.”

Jaejoong hummed in agreement. The warmth was making him drowsy and his body was no longer wracked with shivers. “Nothing but arm candy.”

Yunho laughed and Jaejoong closed his eyes as he felt the sound vibrate in Yunho’s chest.

“The ice bucket challenge was worth it for this,” he said sleepily.

“You can warm me up if I get nominated,” Yunho said, kissing the top of Jaejoong’s still damp head.

“If?” Jae snorted. “When.”

“You can’t nominate me,” Yunho reminded him. “It would look weird.”

“I can’t,” Jaejoong mused. “But it would be very easy for me to get someone to nominate you. Heechul owes me a favour.”

The end


Thank you so much for reading! Much love to all of you who take the time to read/comment on my stories, even if they are as silly and pointless as this one. I realise I should make this better/longer/filled it out a bit, but I'm going to leave it at this and hope it's still okay for you guys :) Take care!

this is super cute i can't stop smiling i'm done goodbye let me smile unto my death bc of the fluff

Ohh thank you so much! I'm such a sucker for fluff, I always end up returning to it even if I drift into the angstier realms :)

omg this was so funny and adorable at the same time, i loved it! definitely warmed me up with all the fluff :-) thank you so much for sharing and for providing the link to donate to the ALS cause!

Thank you so much for such a lovely comment! You really made me smile :)

Yea authornim you should me it longer aawww but i like it so much. super cuteeeee o((*^▽^*))oへ(゜∇、°)へ

Heh, I'm sure I'll have some longer fics up soon! Thank you so much for reading and commenting :D

Funny and its like really happen hehehee...
Can't wait to see Yunho do the challenge and really nominate by heechul
Thank you for your wonderfull story

Heeh, thank you! I like to imagine YunJae like this in real life :) If Yunho does the challenge I will write a sequel... has he done it yet and I've missed it?

LOL but Heechul nominated LSM I heard... ;D I'm hoping Changmin will nominate Yunho though, and then maybe you can write part 2? LOL :P This was cute!<3

I know hah I heard too! I just love Heechul and always want him in my stories one way or another so I used little bit of artistic license hahah

I will definitely write part 2 if Yunho gets nominated! I don't think he has yet, or have I missed it?

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

The when part of the equation to get a wet Yun is starting to take too long. Someone anyone nominate the man. I have my hopes pinned on Chagnmin but who knows.
Science to the rescue of a clingy Jae, I heard that too, so it must be true right. Thank you!

I know right?! I would love a wet Yunho! I've asked a couple of people above but may as well ask you too :) Has he been nominated in the past few days and I've just missed it?

Hah indeed. Sometimes a crazy Jae is also a rational one... ish. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

i cant stop smiling all the while reading this...
its just too cute...thnx for sharing...:)

Aw thank you so, so much!

Really, really cute. I think you got Jae just right. He didn't seem to appreciate that ice water one bit. LOL. But I've watched that instagram 5 times now I think. He's so right about doing it for his fans. Thanks so much for this endearing story!

Thank you so much! I really love writing Jae like this so it's so cool that you think I got him right :)

Love it...makes me happy with their little banter
Thank you

Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

Wow, I really, really liked this. Their characters, the dynamics between them, the banter, the fluff~
And for some reason, I liked the fact that Yunho had other relationships or at least tried to, but then wound up with JJ anyway.

Thank you so so much! I'm so happy you liked this! Aw, well it's nice that you liked even things like that. Your comment made me smile so much!

always love your one-shots <333

thank you thank you, my love! :D

I was overseas so I wasn't aware of this ice bucket challenge. Lol. IT's happening a lot now huh?

Thank you for writing this adorable oneshot!

Haha indeed it is!

Thank you for reading and commenting!

soooo cuteeerr. i like it. thanks author nim

I enjoyed it so much, especially Yunho's stubbornness!
Jaejoong needed to use all his power (and his scientific knowledges) to convince Yunho that using his naked body is the most effective way to warm Jae! : D

Thank you very much! [heart]

Aw thank you so much! I enjoyed writing it, too :)


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